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Observing the Reaction to Ruling on
April 3, 2009 by the Iowa Supreme Court I was sitting in the airport waiting for my flight when I heard the news. I was suddenly overjoyed that the years of work and efforts seemed to have finally paid off. I also realized in that instant that there was an army of "traditional marriage supporters" waiting to march on to the statehouse. While many in Iowa were planning celebration rallies and passing a cheer or two at local taverns, I was quietly enjoying the moment with a smile and a bit of coffee while waiting for the staff to let us on board. I was thinking that I can get married now, and honestly, I would not be able to use the law as an excuse to avoid a commitment to someone special. In that moment, I felt an instant closer connection to my love than ever before (despite the miles between us at that moment). After a while, the eyes would look around the room and noticed nothing really different from the few moments earlier. Wives were still hugging and kissing husbands. Kids were still napping in seats or occupying themselves with a little toy. Parents were having the wonderful egg muffin sandwich breakfasts with the family. I thought that nothing seemed to fundamentally change with these folks. Perhaps I was thinking too subjectively about this. Maybe they did have some unobserved connection that had changed. I could not detect such a change. Perhaps people were too tired and too focused upon the upcoming flight and did not concern themselves with their marriages at the moment. Perhaps this was a unique crowd in Missouri that was untainted and remote from the revelations in Iowa. I arrived in Minnesota for my connection flight, noticed a similar crowd there, and again noticed a similarity in Florida upon arrival there. While in Florida, local news seemed more interested in water issues, traffic, a cold front, Obama?s trip to Europe and discussion about Orlando tourism, but there was nothing to be said about apparent disturbances or tremors in the institution of marriage. Thus, my schedule went the course without any word or discussion about the ruling or apparent "shaking" of this basic institution of humanity that was expected by so many people. The Iowans, sharing the weekend with me, had no Earth-shattering experiences to exhibit or to describe due to the ruling. Little more than a couple days passed when the return route was executed. People, couples, and families in Orlando seemed more interested in the sales call, the Mickey Mouse hats and souvenirs that were returning to their destinations with them. Upon arriving to Atlanta, I learn that Mr. Hurley had organized a number of folks to visit the statehouse as I had envisioned. At the same time in Georgia, no one was worried about a marriage because of the ruling. Conversations between couples, between parents to kids, and between co-workers seemed more focused upon something more private. I was not one to intrude and ask what they were discussing, but the room seemed like many were focused upon the other topics of the day. No one revealed a vulnerability to the ruling passed just a few days earlier. Coincidentally while waiting for the connect flight back to the Midwest, CNN reported that the daughter to Governor Sarah Palin was having issues with her previous "fiance" and showed footage of some of his laughable remarks about their apparent safe sex practices. While I disagree with Palin's politics, her daughter deserves a far better person than this fellow was exhibiting. Even more striking is that no one in the room was affected by the intimate affairs of young Palin, and many, including myself, saw this incident as "personal" to their family that was not deserving of the gross media attention. At no point did anyone suggest that this incident was taking place because the ruling for equality undermined the relationship of the Governor's daughter. Returning to Iowa, I then expected to see mass destruction and the dark side transcending couples of which I observed none. These people were most directly affected by the ruling and the "shaking" of the institution, but there seemed to be as much peace and tranquility as when I left the state the days before. At no point did anyone confess that their marriage was in peril or destroyed because of the ruling. Maybe the people in the rotunda of the capitol after the ruling felt tremors in the institution of marriage that I was unaware existed, but I was not present to ask them the question. Perhaps, one had to be in marriage to feel this tremor. My sister, my parents and my partner's folks did not reveal nor display any such connection to this tremor or disturbance. On the contrary for Iowa, there seemed to be a number of jubilant couples that suddenly found a way to legally recognize each other as a committed partner. On a quiet day in April in Iowa, couples finally did not have to pretend that they were married or think that their relationship was always less than the neighbors'. Finally, couples did not have to hide their relationship to the law, to feel inherently unequal or to feel inferior to others around them in loving relationships. Further, no "traditional" or current marriage seemed to be on the edge of collapse or destruction because of the ruling. Hopefully, people can lower the veils of hatred and narrow mindsets to allow all people to continue their personal, loving and legal relationships. Where our relationships did not affect theirs, they should have the decency to not affect ours, and where we respect their intimate, private affairs as personal, so they should with us. Unfortunately, they have already proven that they will not show respect. |
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Liberty cannot be preserved without a general knowledge among the people. -- John Adams
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